“I come here to find some comfort, solace and guidance in times of “those days” . I suppose I turn to this space as my secret cove in which the “icky, girly, eww how dare I let myself feel like this” … Really ? What the hell was I on when I wrote that? This is obviously not one of “those time” that weepy whiney woe is me is self reflecting on anything other than what kind of garbage I write sometimes. Then I have to take a deep breath and remember….yes, I’m actually a pretty nice person 95% of the time. It’s that 5% that’s perhaps contributing to the major reason of my singledom….Ok realistically, maybe 1.5% and the remaining is a conscious choice to not want to put up with anyone’s moods except for my own. Frankly, that’s all I have the patience and energy for. As much as this blog is a forum for my otherwise sweet sensitive self’s weirdo , girly, daydream fantasies of skipping happily through a field full of flowers; emulating the prozac commercials, I’ve decided to give this blog yet another tone ….. eh, every once in a while anyway. We’ll call this the ” I’m not feeling the social filters work and would rather be stomping on the flowers in the field than skipping among them so I need to vent” blog. I suppose just as sappy me finds the nice tone blogging therapeutic, so does the ” I’m just not in the mood for shit” me finds it just as therapeutic.
We’re all allowed to have moments in life that the nuances of the world just add up and you just don’t have the positive energy or patience to deal with it. And that’s ok. It’s all part of being human. Granted, not everyone is out there ranting and raving about their every thought , but I suppose that’s what makes them them, you you and me me. Individualism is great isn’t it ! I’m not here trying to voice my thoughts and feelings to the world because I care what you think , I know sorry, harsh; I’m again, just using this as my media to release the emotion. Don’t sit there and judge me because I chose to do this rather than go smoke a joint, go for a run, sing a song , talk to a therapist or punch the first person who walks into my office or whatever else it is that people do. This is what I do! Get it!
Whew…that felt a little better! This….this blogging the mean away could be a good thing. In fact, a great thing as some people who should not exist or be allowed to procreate will actually continue to do so rather than me intervening in that process. Yes…it’s a good thing. All joking , or not, aside , at the end of the day, it comes down to your attitude and perception of the situation you are currently in that’s contributing to the feeling. Whether it’s good or bad. In spite of the venomous post, I do make a conscious effort to keep in the back of mind this very thought. I am very much of the belief that you should look at a difficult situation not with the mindset that ” how can things get any worse?” rather look at it with the mindset of ” it’s bound to get only better!” I know, a total twist from where we first started, right? That my friends , is why I write. It’s like some people relate to talking to a friend. Sometimes it’s easier for us to sort out life questions and confusing emotions as we talk to a trusted friend. We find the answers to our problems or questions through out those discussions. Old school me would so that a pen and paper are my best friend…new school forces me to say my keyboard , and the edit buttons are .
It’s great to write about happy , positive, I love life stories. But the reality is that life is made up of both the good, the bad, the happy, the sad! We , or at least I, need to acknowledge all elements of what makes the pieces of puzzle a complete picture. I won’t be that all-knowing, wise lady sitting atop the sanctity of a mountain range with answers or secrets of life anytime in this life by doing that, but I’ll have some better insight into myself. With that, perhaps little by little I may be able to leave a mark in this world, in whichever small way that I can.
Rest assured boys and girls, ladies and gents ~ you CAN sleep safely ,without fear of the wrath of V coming anywhere near you and the loved ones. Pele’s Indian sister has been calmed down with the sacrificial chocolate from the wise ones she is around.